ORGASM!: The Mello Chronicles
by Her Sweetness
Summary: Wammy's. Thanks to a mysterious magician, Mello has gained an interesting power. But he's fast become a menace to the orphanage and Rodger just can't take it anymore... that's when L steps in. Crack!mini.
1. Surprise!

A/N: _Hello, all! Welcome to what I like to call a mini-fic. Not a oneshot and not so much a multi because it'll probably have only three chapters. This CRACK but… at the same time, it's kind of not. Prepare yourself for major brain-breakage. _

_Please enjoy and I will update with encouragement._

* * *

**ORGASM!: The Mello Chronicles **

**One.**

* * *

There were always two people miserable on Near's birthday.

Mello…

And Near himself.

On August the 24th, the whole of Wammy's House was in an uproar, as it was every year. Rodger always celebrated every kid's birthday but never like Near's. Near was number one _and_ a cute little ball of fluff, as Rodger sometimes said, much to Near's chagrin. So he went all out with balloons and a large, ten-layer cake and presents and everyone was expected to be cheerful and wish Near a happy birthday, which wasn't a problem for most of the orphans. 

Mello, on the other hand…

"This is shit!" he growled, taking a large chop out of a chocolate bar he had been nursing. He was sulking on his bed as he watched Matt in front of the mirror, trying to pat down his unruly cowlick. 

"Ah, cheer up," Matt said distractedly. "It only comes once a year."

"That's one time too many."

Matt grew frustrated with his hair and held out his hand to Mello. "Care to share?"

Mello nodded and spat into Matt's hand. Matt rubbed it on his cowlick and it lay down. For about a second.

"Agh!"

"Since when do you care what you look like?" Mello asked, raising an eyebrow.

"It's not good manners to show up to someone's party looking like crap."

Mello snorted. "You look like crap every other day."

"…" Matt looked at his appearance once more and straightened his goggles. He then turned around, arms outstretched to Mello. "What do you think?" he asked.

"You're beautiful, let's go already."

Mello stood and threw his chocolate bar wrapper into the wastebasket by the door on their way out. It was almost three in the afternoon and Rodger had made announcements over the loudspeaker all day that Near's birthday party begun at _three_ and for everyone to be there at _three_ because who wasn't there at _three _would be severely punished. 

He never specified how and Mello didn't care - he wasn't afraid of punishment but he didn't want to miss out on the chocolate layer of that cake. He figured he'd go, eat it, and then spit in Near's slice and split. Good plan.

The two came to the common room and upon entering, they were greeted with a room full of all the other orphans, dancing and laughing, blowing whistles and carrying on. Mello frowned immediately and fought the urge to cover his ears.

Matt walked into the chaos without comment and Mello followed, sulking.

"Where in hell is Near?" Mello asked over the noise. 

"Probably being stepped on or something."

Mello grinned at the idea.

They went through the crowd of gyrating orphans and finally came to the table in the center of the room where was seated in one of the chairs surrounding it, looking more than a little miserable. He sat in his pajamas, twirling a lock of hair around his index finger. People were wiggling around him and he looked like he was in need of a dark closet.

Matt walked over to one of the empty chairs beside him and Mello followed, his arms folded. 

"Happy birthday, kiddo," Matt said cheerfully.

"Yes, thank you," Near mumbled.

Matt looked at his indifferent friend and elbowed him.

Mello frowned and turned to Near. "Yeah, yeah. Your mamma popped you out twelve years ago. Cheers."

Near sighed.

"Oh, here you go. I got you a present," Matt said, reaching around and fishing in his pockets. "I know I brought it with me…"

Mello fumed. "You bought that kid something?"

"Yep." He finally got whatever it was dropped in it Near's open palm. It was a big pink gum ball with a piece of lint stuck to it and a small part gone missing.

Near stared.

"Yeah, uh, I got a little hungry. Still good though."

Mello didn't even try to hold in his laughter - in fact, he even pointed.

Near put the gum ball in the pocket on his shirt. "Thank you, Matt."

Suddenly, coming from the boom box sitting on a table in the corner, the happy-kiddy music went off when a random trouble-maker put his own CD in and Eminem's "Just Lose It" started blaring through the speakers. Near's frown deepened.

Matt laughed at the troublemaker who was running away from Rodger. "I love that kid! I'm going to go dance!"

Mello huffed and watched as Matt shimmied away. 

The blond suddenly felt a little uncomfortable with Near sitting there being angsty and he looked around with his finger in his ear. "Where's that cake?"

And as if obeying Mello's wants, Rodger came back into the room, turning off the Eminem madness (somewhere out of the crowd, Matt called, "Boo!" and was ignored) and cleared his throat as the children quieted. "Now," he said, coming over to the table where Mello and Near resided, "we'll bring out the cake. Near, is that all right?"

Near nodded and Mello smiled until Rodger slapped a cone-shaped party hat on his head as he walked by. 

Rodger motioned at the entryway and two of the kitchen's cooks had to work together to bring out the large cake. It giggled around on the platter and threatened to fall to the side but they set it on the table successfully and Mello grabbed a fork at his placemat, ready to dig in at the chocolate layer.

"All right-"

"Hold it," Rodger said, blocking the fork and wincing when the utensil stuck out of his hand. He forcefully pulled it out and shrieked. "Ahem… um, Mello, have you given Near a present?"

"… Uh, no."

"I don't require a gift-"

"Quiet, Near, of course you do."

"I gave him a gift!" Matt interrupted, snatching the fork from Mello's hand. "I get cake, right?"

Rodger hesitated. "What kind of gift _was _it?"

Matt grinned widely. "Does it really matter?"

Just then one of the cooks came up to Rodger and whispered something in his ear. He brightened and alerted the children, "All right, the magician is here, everyone! You may enjoy cake while you watch him."

Near sighed.

Matt looked at him with his cheeks full of cake. "You wanted a magician, Near?"

"No."

Mello was too busy pouting at Matt's stuffing of his face to notice a strange man in drag coming into the room with a magic wand that was shaped… funny. 

Rodger looked over at the man, his jaw dangling. 

"Ooh," Matt said, licking frosting off his thumb. "This is interesting."

Near just didn't look at the man.

The man introduced himself as Bon Bon the Magician and proceeded to dazzle the orphans with various tricks such as card games with a sordid deck and conjured rabbits from a foldable hat that he pulled from some unknown orifice. Near was thoroughly disgusted and played with his toes quietly, ignoring the attention Bon Bon gave him as the "birthday boy." Matt, high off of cake, was giving catcalls and off-beat comments throughout the performance. Mello sat with his arms folded and his party hat pushed forward on his head, glaring at everything both alive and inanimate.

Sooner rather than later, Rodger grew tired of all the suggestive wiggle of the eyebrows that Bon Bon was giving the children and discreetly asked him to end his show.

Bon Bon blinked at him. "Don't you want the finale?"

"No, no, that's quite all right."

"But you paid for the deluxe package."

"I obviously didn't know what I was getting."

Bon Bon sighed sadly. "This always happens…"

Rodger pursed his lips. "I _wonder_ why."

"Aw!" Matt protested, frosting coating his cheeks. "Rodger, it was just getting good!"

"Matt, be silent."

And so it went - most of the children left the common room, stuffed with cake and perverted images to haunt them in their adulthood. Near left almost immediately, having had his fill of humankind for the day and Matt left for the bathroom, claiming to have to puke out of every orifice. 

Mello, however, was too busy sulking to notice how everyone had left and was still sitting in the same position when Bon Bon was packing up his items in his bag. He looked up to see the pouting blond and smiled at him.

"Hey, kiddo. You enjoy the show?"

Mello blinked, drawn out of his thoughts. "Huh?"

"You sure seem sad."

"Well… Well yeah! Rodger's such a prick - I didn't get any cake just because I didn't give the fuzz ball a present. _Matt_ didn't give him one either, really, it's been in his pocket for months."

Bon Bon nodded in sympathy and reached over to pat Mello on the head.

"Don't touch me."

Bon Bon blinked. "Oh… Well, listen kid, I've got something that maybe could brighten your day. I remember being your age… I would've loved a gift like this! Sure, look, give me your hands."

Mello leaned forward and then hesitated. He squinted. "Did you wash your hands?"

"… Sure?"

"All right," Mello said and gave the man his hands. 

Bon Bon smiled and took them, closing his eyes as he did so. "To this child from me, I give him some fun. The power to pleasure - the ability to come!"

There was a flash of blue on their hands for a second and then - nothing.

Mello blinked. "What in fuck was that?"

"Be happy, kid! From now on, all you have to do is wiggle your fingers at someone and say 'orgasm!' and they will be putty in your hands. That oughtta be interesting, huh?"

"…" Mello frowned and stood up in a huff. "You like making fun of me? Is that how you get your kicks? You're sick, dude." And with that, he stormed out of the room.

Bon Bon blinked and rubbed the back of his head. "Well… he'll understand soon."

* * *

A few hours later, around eight o' clock, Mello was back in his and Matt's room, eating chocolate from his stash quietly, his earlier mood swing over with. His roommate was on his own bed, contently playing with his PSP.

"You know," Matt said, clicking noises coming from his side of the room, "that party was pretty fun. That magician was cool."

"Pah. He was a fag."

"Look who's talking, Princess Barbie."

Mello crunched up his face. It actually wouldn't be so bad if that magician's power wasn't a total farce - he could actually use a superpower right about then, for no other reason than to hit Matt with. He shrugged and for fun, wiggled his fingers at the redhead and said, "Orgasm."

Matt glanced up at him. "You say something, Mel - Waaahh!" He jerked violently and fell off of the side of the bed, moaning. 

Mello gasped and ran over. "Matt? Matt, you okay?"

Matt was on the floor, his goggles askew on his face and his eyes bleary. He panted harshly and looked up at his blond friend. "What… the fuck."

Mello looked down at his fingers.

* * *

To be continued!

* * *

A/N: _All right then, that's the first chapter! Next one will probably be longer. Ya gotta tell me how you like it though, okay? _

_XD We're bringin' crack back. _


	2. The Enigma!

A/N: _Haha, you guys are cool. Thanks for giving me a chance! I will make you proud, momma! X.x;;_

* * *

**ORGASM!: The Mello Chronicles**

**Two**

* * *

"W-What just happened?"

"Dude… you just mindfucked me."

Mello's hands were shaking as he looked at them and then back at Matt who was crawling back onto the bedspread cautiously. They both stared at Mello's wondrous hands for a moment longer before Matt looked at Mello and grinned. He said, "Do it again."

"… Why?"

"Just, you know, to make sure it's really real."

Mello shrugged. "Okay." He raised his hands again and wiggled his fingers. "Orgasm!"

Matt blinked and then his head snapped back and he clutched the bedspread tightly in his fingers. Mello noticed with mild interest that there was a growing stain on his crotch. In a second, Matt's head was back in its rightful position, a blush staining his cheeks.

"Yeah…" he sighed, shaking his head. "It's real, all right. Where'd you get the new hands, Mel?"

"That freakish clown guy."

"Clown? Oh, Bon Bon?"

"Yeah, whatever. He held my hands and they said some perverted stuff and my hands turned blue." He looked at them again. "Think we should tell someone? Like… the police or something?"

Matt looked at him like he was nuts. "The police?"

"W-Well, it's kinda like child molestation or something."

"Ah, you've still got your virginity so nothing's wrong with it. Come on, let's go play with it!"

Matt got up from the bed and dragged Mello up by the wrist. "How in hell do you play with an orgasm?" Mello asked.

"I'll show ya."

* * *

Both Matt and Mello went out of their bedroom (Matt stumbling the first few steps after having had two consecutive orgasms) and down the hallway. A few of the kids were out walking down various hallways as well and when Mello asked where they were going, Matt waited until arriving at the doorway of the downstairs playroom to answer.

"Here we are," Matt said, peeking into the room.

Mello peeked on the other side. The only person who was in there was Near, surrounded by a small city of dice that he had constructed within the past few hours. He seemed happy enough, having been left alone since his disaster of a birthday party.

"What're we doing _here_?" Mello asked, wrinkling his nose at Near's presence.

Matt nudged his friend. "Go give him a birthday present."

"… Huh?"

"You haven't and it's still his birthday, you know."

"Yeah but I don't-"

Matt wiggled his eyebrows and Mello then came to euphoria. "_Oh_," he said and grinned. He turned and strolled into the playroom, his hands behind his back and Matt came in after him, both boys surrounding Near.

"Hey, Near," Matt greeted, all smiles.

Near looked up, wary. "Hello… Matt. Mello."

"Yeah, say, Near. I'm sorry I didn't get you a present earlier," Mello said smoothly, coming down on one knee to be eye-level with the pale boy.

"Oh, it's all right."

"No, it's not." Mello sighed heavily, shrugging his shoulders. "I'll _have_ to give you one now, I suppose."

"Really, Mello-"

"Orgasm!" Mello said, wiggling his fingers in Near's face and startling the boy.

"What are you dooooooooing… ahhh…" Near collapsed backwards.

Matt watched with astute interest. "There he goes."

Mello stood up and watched with his redheaded friend as their fellow genius writhed on the floor, simultaneously knocking over some of his city. In a second, Near was limp and looked up through bleary eyes at the two grinning down at him. He let out a shuttering breath, "What… was that? What did you _do_, Mello?"

"Nice, huh? Want another?"

"No, please-"

"Orgasm!"

"Aaahhh! Ahhh…"

Matt giggled as Near squirmed around. "Look at him go."

Mello laughed, holding on to his stomach as he doubled over. "Wow… this is great!"

Near was recovering once again and Matt looked to Mello. "Hey, want to test your numbers?"

"N-Numbers?" Mello asked, still chuckling.

"Yeah, to see if you can do more than one person at a time."

"Yeah! That's a great idea!" He took a few steps back. "Lemme practice on you two?" he asked.

Matt nodded. "Okay." He sat down beside Near who was woozy and put his arm around him like they were about to take a picture.

Near quickly realized what was about to happen and struggled to get out of Matt's grip but Matt held him still. And with a wiggle of Mello's fingers and the shout of, "Orgasm!" the two of them had fallen all over each other, moaning, eyelids fluttering.

It was a moment before the two of them were able to see again and they saw Mello laughing uncontrollably. "D-Dude, you just came with _Near_!"

Matt nodded. "I know, dude, s'fucking awesome." He thought for a minute, resting his elbow on Near's fluffy head. "Hey! Mello, you could be the world's best whore! Sit people in a chair and charge five bucks a pop. You'd be _rich_."

"That'd be sick!" Mello laughed.

Near was looking from boy to boy with a distant look of worry on his face. But they seemed to be too caught up in their twisted plans at the moment to notice him so maybe… maybe he could sneak away… quietly…

"Hey, Near! Where you going?" Matt asked, noticing immediately as Near tried to crawl away. "Don't you want another round?"

Near turned around and sat heavily, a frown decorating his features. "No, I do not. And I advise you two to stop accosting people with whatever sick talent you possess."

"Aw, what's wrong with spreading a little joy?"

"This is _not_ joyful."

"You weren't saying that a second ago," Mello said.

Near blushed. "You're ridiculous." He rose up and walked towards the door. "Do not approach me again." And with that, he left, giving Mello a wide birth.

Mello and Matt were left alone in the playroom.

"Dude… again."

* * *

After the three consecutive orgasms Mello gave Matt, they decided to go off and find other victims. Matt suggested they try to find Near again to which Mello replied that Matt was weird for liking to watch Near come. He meant it as a tease but for some reason Matt said nothing to counter it.

They came around a corner and halted upon seeing a rather fat boy holding a toy plane away from a little girl. She was crying, red in the face, telling him to give it back but he just laughed and shoved her against the wall.

She sniffled. "P-Please…"

"_What_?" he asked, tauntingly. "Can't hear you!"

Matt looked at Mello determinedly. "Get 'em, Mel!"

Mello nodded and wiggled his fingers at the bully. "Orgasm," he whispered.

Suddenly the fat kid groaned and fell in a heap of wiggly mass. He flopped on the floor like a giant tuna pulled out of sea, scaring his victim a little. But she soon tiptoed over him and got her plane. She looked around, paranoid, and then ran away. The bully was still twitching on the floor.

Matt laughed and high-fived Mello. "That was epic."

"Yeah, it was. Stupid fat kid."

Matt nodded and the two of them came over to the boy on the floor, looking down at him interestedly. "You know," Matt said, "you could be a superhero."

"… Really?"

"Yeah. Orgasm Man. I mean, what you just did, saving a girl and all… that was pretty heroic, right?"

"… It _was_," Mello said. He thought up a mental image of himself, flying through the city, randomly giving robbers and rapists orgasms.

"Man, Mello, you're so lucky. With that power, you could be _anything_… Bet you could be president someday!"

"You mean bribe the country into voting for me by offering orgasms?"

"_Yeah_."

* * *

This anonymous, random act of orgasm-giving went on for _three days _at the Wammy's House. A lot of the children were too young to even know what was happening to their bodies when it came upon them - all they knew was that it was scary and kind of awesome.

But not just the orphans were effected by it. Mello and Matt also targeted some of the helping hands at the orphanage, such as the cooks and the handymen. One time, the two boys crept into the kitchen unannounced as a chef made stew for lunch. Matt watched as Mello came up behind her and whispered his magic word and wiggled his fingers at her. He had to quickly scatter because she fell over, as did the large pot of _boiling hot _stew. She unintentionally rolled around in it and got second degree burns.

Another time two men were fixing a faulty light in the hallway upstairs. They were using a stepladder and when the two boys happen to come upon them - wham, bam, thank you, ma'am - they were almost immediately toppling off of the ladder in a fit of ecstasy and fright.

On the third day, people began to come forward with their terrifying experiences, adults and children alike. And all the complaints went straight to Rodger.

"Now wait a minute… you say you were eating candy in the common room and then you just fell down with a _nice feeling_? Just like that?" Rodger asked the young boy of eight.

"Yeah," he answered, teary eyed. "And when I got up, my chocolate bar was gone."

"… Hmm."

There was a knock on the door of the office. Rodger sighed and called out, "Yes?"

The door blew open and a large woman in a dirty apron, a new cook they had hired the day before, came in, fuming mad.

Rodger blinked. "Maria, what's the matter-"

"This place is haunted! Haunted, I tell you," she cried in her heavy Spanish accent. "I was in the kitchen and a demon came into my body, _forcing_ me into spasms of ungodly pleasure! This place is not holy!"

"But… a demon?" Rodger asked, trying to understand her. None of this made any sense.

"I'm quitting!" she stated.

"No, wait!" He stood from his chair. "You're the third one in three days! You can't!"

"_Watch_ me." And with that, she stormed out. Through the opening of the door, Rodger and the boy he was currently questioning saw all of the other children in the hallway just outside of the office, most looking spooked and paranoid, looking around themselves.

Rodger sighed, placing his hand to his forehead. "This is crazy… what could be going on?"

Just then, from out of the hallway, a small white form shuffled into the room unannounced. Kids voiced their objection, saying things like "Wait your turn!" but Near ignored them and came to stand in the center of Rodger's office, his cheeks pink and his breathing slightly ragged.

"Near? What's the ma-"

"I can stand it no longer," Near declared fiercely.

"Uh… stand what?"

"It's Mello."

"What's Mello?"

Near pointed backwards to the children in the hallway. "The culprit of these mysterious orgasms."

The little boy in the seat in front of Rodger's desk looked at Near. "Is _that_ what it's called?"

Rodger blushed furiously. "Near, bite your tongue!"

"It's the truth," Near said. "Mello and Matt have been plaguing me for the past three days, doing unspeakable things again and agaaaaaahhh, oh _God_…" Near moaned and gasped, falling onto the other free chair for support.

The other boy gasped excitedly, pointing at Near. "It's happening, Rodger!"

Rodger blinked. "Near?"

"Yeeeees…"

Then as Near was shaking his head to clear it, Rodger looked towards the doorway where there was giggling going on. He frowned, immediately recognizing the red and blond hair sticking out from either side.

"Matt. _Mello_. Get in here," he ordered.

The two boys came out of their hiding place, grinning from ear to ear and giggling. Mello held his hands behind his back and Matt was shaking tears of laughter out of his goggles. Upon realizing they were in the room, Near backed up defensively, frowning.

"Stay away," he said shakily.

Mello smirked over at Near, taking a step toward him. "Ah, you pansy. You just don't wanna admit how good it feels."

"It's demeaning!"

Rodger stood up from his chair and looked to the forgotten about boy in the left chair. "Please, leave us for a moment. I'll get back to you later."

He sighed. "Okay…" and with that, left, shutting the door behind him.

When they were alone, Rodger looked at the three boys skeptically. "Now, Near, it isn't that I don't believe you. You know I'm on your side…"

"Hey, that's favoritism!" Mello objected.

"And?"

"It's just that," Rodger continued, "it's a bit far-fetched. How could Mello make anyone… orgasm?"

"Well," Mello said, studying his fingernails, "I am pretty sexy."

Matt nodded. "True that."

Rodger glared at them. "Fine, Mello, if you can do it, then display your power."

Near's eyes widened. "No!"

Mello grinned and was only too happy to do it - he wiggled his fingers and yelled, "Orgasm!" but Near ducked and it hit Rodger full speed.

Rodger twitched and sunk down on the carpet, his old eyes bulging.

Near shuddered and Matt turned away, crying, "My eyes! My _eyes_!"

Mello frowned. "That's… not right…"

When Rodger was able to speak in coherent sentences, he rolled over and looked at Mello through a vision skewed by the absence of his glasses. "I-I'm calling L!" he declared and then fell back to the floor, exhausted. "Good grief…"

* * *

To be continued!

* * *

A/N: _What do you think? If you want the next chapter, let me hear you SCREAM! -dances-_


	3. The Amazing L!

A/N: _The final installment! -shimmies-_

* * *

**ORGASM!: The Mello Chronicles**

**Three.**

* * *

"I know you only take on cases that interest you…"

"Nonsense, Rodger. I would do anything for Wammy's. Actually, I am in England - I was about to come over for a visit anyway, since I missed Near's party."

"Thank you, L."

"See you soon."

"Yes, see you."

Rodger set the phone back on its cradle. He folded his hands on the desk and looked at the three boys over the top of his glasses. Near was sitting with one knee pulled up to his chest in a chair, looking suspiciously at Mello and the other two were standing around, looking like they would much rather be doing something else. But Rodger wasn't going to let any of them go until this thing was sorted out and he knew the world's best detective was just the one to do that.

"So," Mello said, looking at the old man, "L's on his way?"

"That's right." Rodger nodded. "And until he solves this mystery, none of you can leave my office."

"It's no mystery," Near objected, "it's _Mello_. You felt it yourself."

"Now, see here…" Rodger looked at them all seriously. "None of you must _ever_ speak of that again, not to anyone. Ever. … Ahem. As for now, we wait. Mello, be silent and keep your fingers to yourself."

Matt raised his hand. "Well, can he do it to me?"

"_No_."

* * *

It was a little over an hour before L arrived with Watari in tow, as per usual. Rodger greeted the slumped over detective at the door of his office and showed him inside and shutting the door after the two entered.

"L!" Mello cried, jumping the man with a hug.

L looked down at the blond boy attached to his waist. He patted him. "Hello, Mello. I've heard you've been harassing people again."

"Nu-uh," he cried, looking up.

"We'll see."

Rodger beat Mello off of L with his cane. "Mello, behave yourself for one moment! Ahem. L, it's good to see you. Please, sit. We are in grave need of your assistance."

L nodded and took one of the empty chairs across from Near, patting both Matt and Near on the head as he walked. He sat in his seemingly uncomfortable position and nodded towards Rodger. "Details," he said, in full detective-mode.

"Yes. Well, it seems-"

"That Mello has a kickass power and should be a whore," Matt said eagerly.

"_Matt_," Mello groaned, "that's so weird."

"I'm just saying."

"He's been causing unspeakable mayhem," Near said, looking at L and twirling a lock of hair. "I haven't had a moment's peace. They've stalked me."

"Ain't nobody stalking you, Near."

Near sent a wry glare towards Mello.

Rodger did so as well. "We've lost so many employees!"

Matt shrugged. "Can't figure out why. We saw the looks on their faces - you just know they were enjoying it. That Maria lady sounded like she was singing opera or something, it was nuts."

Near blushed. "Disgusting."

"All right, all right," L said, thinking. "Everyone calm down. Mello… if this _is_ for real, where did you get this power?"

Mello seemed to hesitate and then shook his head at the dark-haired man. "I-I can't, L… I can't rat on someone! What would I be then?"

"Someone who's not about to get whacked upside the head," Rodger threatened, holding up his cane.

Mello squinted and then looked at L and Watari. "Do you _know _how much we're abused here?"

L shook his head. "Fine, Mello, you don't have to tell. I must see this for myself though."

Matt grinned and pointed to his friend. "Mel, hit me!"

"WAIT!" Rodger cried, holding his hands out. "_See_ it? L, no, it's too graphic!"

L frowned. "I'm old enough to handle viewing some sexual activity. It will help the case, Rodger and you _want_ that, don't you? Or do you want the orphans to be cocooned in fear and pleasure for the rest of their stay at Wammy's?"

Rodger sighed. "You're right…"

"Yes. No, Mello, please perform your ability on Watari."

Watari looked at L. "… Sir?"

Matt made a face. "Aw, dude, I've seen enough old guys come for one lifetime."

"Right! I don't wanna do it to Watari," Mello said, sticking out his tongue.

Watari frowned at the blond. "I'm not looking forward to it either."

L groaned, highly annoyed now. "Will none of you sacrifice your dignity for the sake of the case? Honestly."

"I will!" Matt raised his hand enthusiastically.

L dismissed him. "I suppose I will do it then."

Rodger groaned and put a hand over his eyes. "Good Lord," he muttered.

Matt laughed and pointed at L triumphantly, yelling at Mello, "Make it count, dude!"

"Don't need to tell _me_ twice!" Mello wiggled his fingers in L's direction and said his magic word.

At first, L just blinked, looking blankly at Mello - then his eyes widened and he fell off of the chair and onto the floor, back arching off of the ground. He blushed furiously and looked at Mello through half-lidded eyes, moaning languorously; he gasped again and his torso faintly undulated. "Ahh… Mello…"

Everyone in the room was silent and Near was turned away, his face completely red.

Matt and Mello were red too, their eyes wide.

"_Dude_… s'fucking hot…" Matt said, an eyebrow raised.

"Y-Yeah…" Mello watched as L slowly got up and replaced himself in his chair. He raised his fingers. "Can I do it again?"

"No," Near squeaked, "enough, enough."

Matt smirked. "Aha, look, Near's horny."

"You're telling lies," the pale boy said, still hiding his face.

L cleared his throat, trying to defuse some of the tension in the room. Both Watari and Rodger refused to look at anything but the floor, Matt and Mello were both clearly aroused, not sure what to do with themselves, and Near looked like a pink hedgehog, curled up in a ball.

"Well, I can confirm Mello's, ahem, power," he said slowly. "We now must find out how he obtained it and how we can rid him of it."

Mello blinked. "But I don't _want_ to lose it, L!"

"I do not care, Mello. That is a dangerous weapon you hold."

Matt giggled. "Death by orgasm."

L turned to Near who seemed to be slowly coming out of his ball. "Near, when were you first solicited?"

"The night of my birthday…"

"Oh yeah, about that," Matt said, garnering attention. He tented his fingers at Near. "Did you know you curl your toes when it happens?"

"Matt!" Near cried, horrified, and balling up again like a roly-poly.

"What? It's cute!"

"Matt, stop embarrassing Near," L ordered. His eyes rolled upward in thought and he tilted his head to Rodger. "Now, did Mello come into contact with anything unusual that day? Magic crystals?"

Rodger frowned. "Crystals?"

L shrugged.

Matt laughed, "Dude, this is _so_ like Paper Mario."

"Well, no…" Rodger thought back to that day. "I don't believe - OhmyGodthathorriblemagician."

"… What?"

"Bon Bon the Magician! He was here on the day of Near's party," Rodger recalled, outraged. "That pervert came and ruined Near's party." Rodger patted Near on the head consolingly.

"Agh!" Mello groaned.

L raised his hand, palm up and motioned towards the phone on Rodger's desk. "Call him and tell him to get over here, ASAP."

* * *

Surprisingly, Bon Bon arrived in only a matter of twenty minutes, having been bribed by Rodger and offered more money if he came to do a performance. The magician came in his drastic garb and with his magic bag and wand in each hand. He was let into the office and was greeted with not an audience of children but two old men, three young boys and a depraved looking young man.

"Well… is this my audience?" Bon Bon asked Rodger.

"In a sense," Rodger replied, wary.

L looked over at the estranged magician. "Hello, I'm L. I have some questions for you concerning your interaction with Mello on the 24th."

He blinked and then looked down at the blond boy staring up at him. He waved fervently. "Hey, little guy, I remember you! What's up?"

Mello shrugged. "Hangin' out, givin' mad orgasms… usual."

"That's what I like to hear."

Rodger gasped, horrified. "Oh, you are _sick_, mister."

"What's wrong?" Bon Bon asked, genuinely confused.

"What's wrong?" he echoed. "You corrupted an inno… well, a _young_ mind!"

L interrupted. "It does not matter what he did, all that matters is that we correct it. Mr. Bon Bon, please fix Mello."

Bon Bon squinted at L, feeling challenged. "Well, what if I can't fix him?"

"Then we shall hang you."

"… W-"

"I kid. But do fix him."

Bon Bon sighed and walked over to Mello and (though a bit wary of L) knelt in front of him to be at eye-level. "Okay, kid. Hold out your hands."

Mello looked at L helplessly with eyes he thought would get him off the hook but L seemed unmovable. Matt himself was practically bawling and begging for just one more but Rodger silenced him with his cane.

So Mello gave Bon Bon his hands and Bon Bon closed his eyes. "Back and forth, from hand to hand, return this awesomeness to me again."

There was a blue glow…

And then nothing.

Mello blinked and looked at his hands. He wiggled his fingers at Near. "Orgasm!"

Near bit back a cringe but nothing happened and he sighed lightly, full of relief.

Matt was rolling around on the floor. "Whhhyyyy - W-Whhhyyy! Oh Rodger, whhhhyyy!"

* * *

Later that night, after Bon Bon had hit the road and L and Watari left for another case somewhere far away, Matt and Mello were in their room, in their separate beds. They both looked up at the dark ceiling; Matt with no PSP, Mello with no chocolate.

There was a heavy silence.

"Dude…" Matt breathed. "This sucks."

"Yeah, think about how _I _feel. I never even got to try it on myself."

"Hey, that's right." Matt sat up in bed. "Why didn't you?"

Mello snorted. "I don't wanna do it in front of _you_."

"Why not? I did it in front of you."

"Well, you're weird."

"Yeah."

"Know what else sucks?"

"What?"

"We can't torture Near like that anymore."

Matt blinked. "Yeah… but now that we know it's so much fun…"

"Yeah?"

"We can just do it manually."

"… No. Just… no."

* * *

End!

* * *

A/N: _Well, thanks for coming along for the ride! I had fun - how about you? I like doing crack, it isn't hard at all! Sequel? Hells yeah. Want it? Review me._

_See ya next time!_


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